Them Shoes

"God knows you're looking good enough,
But you're so smooth and the world's so rough.
You might have something to loose.
Oh no, pretty momma
What you gonna do in those shoes?"

The Eagles "Those Shoes"


I happened through the living room when my family was watching an episode of "Dancing with the Stars." This is not the sort of television programming that is condoned by Dirty Ert. I did, however, watch one dance routine.

The female dancer caught my eye. She left me in awe. Yes, she was "easy on the eyes," but that is not what struck me. It was her shoes.

She was wearing a pair of three inch pumps. The common name for this footwear is FUCK ME PUMPS. These are the shoes that signal to men that there is a job vacancy and applicants are being interviewed, RIGHT NOW.

But this girl danced about, jumped, boogied and all manner of undulations; with the grace of a mountain goat. She put on a spectacle of dexterity, rarely seen in the Tennessee Hills.

This is what impressed me. While wearing fuck me pumps; I thought there were only two activities that females could safely perform: 1-walking forward in first gear, 2-fucking.

I have no idea of how she fucks, but the ole girl can do a shit load more than walking.

Dirty Ert