Locals Are Funny, Vol 2, Slow Police Response

A great story hit the local papers; here are the facts as I have gleaned them from the reports.


A man in his sixties comes home. There is a window broken on his house. He calls 911 wanting a Deputy to come out. Police can ensure that no felon is hiding in your closet. Should any thing be stolen, the nice patrolman will make a report for your insurance. So far, so good.


Then our intrepid hillbilly home owner takes a turn for the worst. He decides that the Deputies are taking way to long to respond to his call. Maybe this guy had beer that was getting cold. Or perhaps, his beer did not get cold, because he drank it. Either way, the plot was about to thicken.


His patience exhausted, our home owner calls 911 again. This time he tells the dispatcher that there was someone in the house. And he has just shot the intruder. Then he told 911 “that there was no longer a need for officers to respond.”


Law enforcement does not think in these terms. "Well, we were going to make our way out there to investigate a possible burglary. But, since the homeowner has shot the invader, then there is no need for us to even show up, now."


It was a "calling all units" kind of response. Officers dropped what they were doing and scrambled to the scene. Ambulances were called in. A swarm of flashing blue and red lights descended upon our hillbilly's home.


Police found the hillbilly in his front yard, probably scratching his ass. It did not take the deputies long to uncover the truth. Our hillbilly home owner had, in fact, not shot anyone. He did not even have a gun. Shortly, the ole boy confessed. He felt that the police were taking too long. He figured if he told 911 that he shot someone, the police would come out to his house faster.


He was right. The Deputies immediately hauled his ass to jail and booked him for filing a false report.


Adding insult to ole boy's injury; nothing was missing or damaged in his house. He just had a broken window.


You just can't make this kind of shit up.


Dirty Ert